At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
