we're chasing vodka with high fives
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
