he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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