I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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