The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
