just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
