girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
