Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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