Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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