What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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