I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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