I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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