new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
