I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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