Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
