You're my little dorito
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
