he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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