Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
