Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
