Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
