Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
