woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
