I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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