Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
