it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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