I smell stomach acid.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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