You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How does one acquire holy water?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
