I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
