Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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