Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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