I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
