"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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