Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
