I could have mohawked her pubes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
