i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
