if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
