Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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