I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
