I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
