somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
