do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
