She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
