that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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