So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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