so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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