My underwear smells like fireworks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
