Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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