I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
