i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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