I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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