We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
