Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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