OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
