did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
