Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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