I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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