bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
