this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
