I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
