just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
