dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
