It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You ate ashes out of my bong
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
