She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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