I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We left an ass print on the piano.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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