i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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