You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
