I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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