The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
